Touchdown in Sydney – now how do we find Bondi Beach?

Jesus. Who knew arriving in a sunshine city could be so exhausting, what everyone tells you about jet lag is real but the reality of it is a dangerously delirious one, not a ‘you can just brush it off’ kind of way in which they mention it. What’s worse is you’re really trying to have the best time and embrace everything from the moment you step off the plane, but the reality is that you aren’t stepping anywhere without feeling as if the ground is moving to cheat your feet, like when the ground is further away than you think and so you end-up sort of stomping down in a lunging motion. Well, there we were, lunging, bumping and tripping our way to Bondi beach. 

Well, we had a little help from strangers, who are, by the way, suspiciously friendly. We clambered on the bus upon where I asked, ‘Do you go to Bondi Beach? We need to get to Beach Road.’ OK, now read than again slower and louder and you’ve got it. Our bemused driver replies, ‘Bondi beach!? Sure! Not sure about the road but we’ll slow down and have a look for ya!’ Oh, I thought. Stupid – they speak English. 

So, being as British as we are we thought not to bother him with the slowing down bit and jumped off at the top of a road that visibly led to the beach (yay! The beach!) and with one kind man’s help, he clearly saw our swaying stationery positions and expressions of bewilderment, this man of at least seventy-three took out his iPhone and mapped us to our destination with an minute..or two. But Wow, look at him go. Sunshine really does help everything. 

Arriving at our new home for the next month, (did I mention it’s less than five minutes from the beach?) only five minutes from the beach, we knocked and eventually found the key under the doormat as promised. I couldn’t help but think this was a wellworn and obvious place for hiding such an item and a reckless choice, but it soon became apparent that’s the vibe here, it feels safe. 

Now should I try to catch you up over our first four days here I would be pages deep in conversation, so here’s a few general moments that have made the move and effort to get here over the past year all the worthwhile.

For starters we’re by the ocean, we see it every morning and walk on the sand barefoot.. Which is harder work than they make it look on all these romantic strolls! Calve cramp!  Even when we arrived to an overcast couple of days we still found ourselves overwhelmed with the warmth, the smells of the plants and fresh air – a novelty when coming from london – and the sounds.

We are woken up at around 6am by a. Jurassic sounding bird that enjoys sitting outside our window every morning and another we fondly refer to as the dial-up bird occasionally chips into the alarm, it does sound just like the Internet in the nineties. Birds are definitely a talking point, there are the Jurassic ones, the bin bird in particular looks like it’s just flown off of the set for Jurrasic World. Much like England there’s the seagulls who flock to bits of bread being chucked around on the grass areas, sat there yesterday I feared for my little pinkie toes as they gleamed brightly in the sun, there was a considerable fear that they might be plucked from my feet like fresh wiggly worms. So much so I tucked them under and flailed around slightly, to no resolve; that bird stared me out like it’d dealt with tourists’ toes for a long while now. 

Then there’s the people, fresh off the Barbie and Ken production line, special edition, ‘gym wear’ (including yoga mat and sports bottle). Yep, they’re beautiful alright. The question is what do they actually do? As far as I can see they’re running everywhere and nowhere, speed walking and talking and drinking lots of coffee, but when do they need to work? And does a living permit for Bondi come with a fitness and body beautiful requirement level? I think they must have extra short working hours to allocate time to this regim and frankly they must have missed me slipping through the net – this is next level and frankly, sometimes the men get too hot to handle – well ok, they don’t, I’m always staring but staring in the knowledge that they do it for that reason, they want to be stared at, not talked to or considered for anything beyond the aesthetics, because who knows if there is much more once you’ve spent all that time working on the exterior.. Do you have anymore to give after that?!  So yeah, visually I’m impressed but for the chit chat – well we’re yet to be convinced. 

It’s a whole new world and we haven’t even left Bondi Beach yet, but you can see why…


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